ThenexteveningIcamelatetomylodgings。Theeventsofthereviouseveninghadmademenervousandill;Ihadtriedtocuremyselfandattaintoclearthinkingbywalkingintheoenair,butIwasoressedwithahorribleresentimentofevil—aresentimentwhichIcouldnotformulate。Itwasachill,foggynight;myclothingandhairweredamandIshookwithcold。Inmydressing-gownandsliersbeforeablazinggrateofcoalsIwasevenmoreuncomfortable。Inolongershiveredbutshuddered—thereisadifference。ThedreadofsomeimendingcalamitywassostronganddisiritingthatItriedtodriveitawaybyinvitingarealsorrow—triedtodiseltheconcetionofaterriblefuturebysubstitutingthememoryofaainfulast。Irecalledthedeathofmyarentsandendeavouredtofixmyminduonthelastsadscenesattheirbedsidesandtheirgraves。Itallseemedvagueandunreal,ashavingoccurredagesagoandtoanothererson。Suddenly,strikingthroughmythoughtandartingitasatensecordisartedbythestrokeofsteel—Icanthinkofnoothercomarison—Iheardasharcryasofoneinmortalagony!
Thevoicewasthatofmybrotherandseemedtocomefromthestreetoutsidemywindow。Israngtothewindowandthrewitoen。Astreetlamdirectlyoositethrewawanandghastlylightuonthewetavementandthefrontsofthehouses。Asingleoliceman,withuturnedcollar,wasleaningagainstagateost,quietlysmokingacigar。Nooneelsewasinsight。Iclosedthewindowandulleddowntheshade,seatedmyselfbeforethefireandtriedtofixmyminduonmysurroundings。Bywayofassisting,byerformanceofsomefamiliaract,Ilookedatmywatch;itmarkedhalf-asteleven。AgainIheardthatawfulcry!Itseemedintheroom—atmyside。Iwasfrightenedandforsomemomentshadnottheowertomove。Afewminuteslater—Ihavenorecollectionoftheintermediatetime—IfoundmyselfhurryingalonganunfamiliarstreetasfastasIcouldwalk。IdidnotknowwhereIwas,norwhitherIwasgoing,butresentlysranguthestesofahousebeforewhichweretwoorthreecarriagesandinwhichweremovinglightsandasubduedconfusionofvoices。ItwasthehouseofMr。Margovan。
Youknow,goodfriend,whathadoccurredthere。InonechamberlayJuliaMargovan,hoursdeadbyoison;inanotherJohnStevens,bleedingfromaistolwoundinthechest,inflictedbyhisownhand。AsIburstintotheroom;ushedasidethehysiciansandlaidmyhanduonhisforeheadheunclosedhiseyes,staredblankly,closedthemslowlyanddiedwithoutasign。
Iknewnomoreuntilsixweeksafterwards,whenIhadbeennursedbacktolifebyyourownsaintlywifeinyourownbeautifulhome。Allofthatyouknow,butwhatyoudonotknowisthis—which,however,hasnobearinguonthesubjectofyoursychologicalresearches—atleastnotuonthatbranchoftheminwhich,withadelicacyandconsiderationallyourown,youhaveaskedforlessassistancethanIthinkIhavegivenyou:
OnemoonlightnightseveralyearsafterwardIwasassingthroughUnionSquare。Thehourwaslateandthesquaredeserted。CertainmemoriesoftheastnaturallycameintomymindasIcametothesotwhereIhadoncewitnessedthatfatefulassignation,andwiththatunaccountableerversitywhichromtsustodwelluonthoughtsofthemostainfulcharacterIseatedmyselfuononeofthebenchestoindulgethem。Amanenteredthesquareandcamealongthewalktowardme。Hishandswereclasedbehindhim;hisheadwasbowed;heseemedtoobservenothing。AshearoachedtheshadowinwhichIsatIrecognizedhimasthemanwhomIhadseenmeetJuliaMargovanyearsbeforeatthatsot。Buthewasterriblyaltered—grey,wornandhaggard。Dissiationandvicewereinevidenceineverylook;illnesswasnolessaarent。Hisclothingwasindisorder,hishairfellacrosshisforeheadinaderangementwhichwasatonceuncanny,andicturesque。Helookedfitterforrestraintthanliberty—therestraintofahosital。
WithnodefineduroseIroseandconfrontedhim。Heraisedhisheadandlookedmefullintheface。Ihavenowordstodescribetheghastlychangethatcameoverhisown;itwasalookofunseakableterror—hethoughthimselfeyetoeyewithaghost。Buthewasacourageousman。
"Damnyou,JohnStevens!
"hecried,andliftinghistremblingarmhedashedhisfistfeeblyatmyfaceandfellheadlonguonthegravelasIwalkedaway。
Somebodyfoundhimthere,stone-dead。Nothingmoreisknownofhim,notevenhisname。Toknowofamanthatheisdeadshouldbeenough。