enthehumanbabiescamealongandIsharedyourexcitement。Iwasfascinatedbytheirinkness,howtheysmelled,andIwantedtomotherthem,too。OnlysheandyouworriedthatImighthurtthem,andIsentmostofmytimebanishedtoanotherroom,ortoadogcrate。Oh,howIwantedtolovethem,butIbecamea“risoneroflove”。Astheybegantogrow,Ibecametheirfriend。
Theyclungtomyfurandulledthemselvesuonwobblylegs,okedfingersinmyeyes,investigatedmyears,andgavemekissesonmynose。Ilovedeverythingaboutthemandtheirtouch—becauseyourtouchwasnowsoinfrequent—andIwouldhavedefendedthemwithmylifeifneedbe。Iwouldsneakintotheirbedsandlistentotheirworriesandsecretdreams,andtogetherwewaitedforthesoundofyourcarinthedriveway。
Therehadbeenatime,whenothersaskedyouifyouhadadog,thatyouroducedahotoofmefromyourwalletandtoldthemstoriesaboutme。Theseastfewyears,youjustanswered“yes”andchangedthesubject。Ihadgonefrombeing“yourdog”to“justadog”,andyouresentedeveryexenditureonmybehalf。Now,youhaveanewcareeroortunityinanothercity,andyouandtheywillbemovingtoanaartmentthatdoesnotallowets。You’vemadetherightdecisionforyour“family”,buttherewasatimewhenIwasyouronlyfamily。
Iwasexcitedaboutthecarrideuntilwearrivedattheanimalshelter。Itsmelledofdogsandcats,offear,ofhoelessness。Youfilledouttheaerworkandsaid“Iknowyouwillfindagoodhomeforher”。Theyshruggedandgaveyouaainedlook。Theyunderstandtherealitiesfacingamiddle-ageddog,evenonewith“aers”。Youhadtoryyourson’sfingersloosefrommycollar,ashescreamed,“No,Daddy。Pleasedon’tletthemtakemydog!”AndIworriedforhim,andwhatlessonsyouhadjusttaughthimaboutfriendshiandloyalty,aboutloveandresonsibility,andaboutresectforalllife。
Yougavemeagood-byeatonthehead,avoidedmyeyes,andolitelyrefusedtotakemycollarandleashwithyou。YouhadadeadlinetomeetandnowIhaveone,too。Afteryouleft,thetwoniceladiessaidyourobablyknewaboutyourucomingmovemonthsagoandmadenoattemttofindmeanothergoodhome。Theyshooktheirheadsandasked,“Howcouldyou”
Theyareasattentivetoushereintheshelterastheirbusyschedulesallow。Theyfeedus,ofcourse,butIlostmyaetitedaysago。Atfirst,wheneveranyoneassedmyen,Irushedtothefront,hoingitwasyou—thatyouhadchangedyourmind—thatthiswasallabaddream…orIhoeditwouldatleastbesomeonewhocared,anyonewhomightsaveme。WhenIrealizedIcouldnotcometewiththefrolickingforattentionofhayuies,oblivioustotheirownfate,Iretreatedtoafarcornerandwaited。
Iheardherfootstesasshecameformeattheendoftheday,andIaddedalongtheaisleafterhertoasearateroom。Ablissfullyquietroom。Shelacedmeonthetableandrubbedmyears,andtoldmenottoworry。Myheartoundedinanticiationofwhatwastocome,buttherewasalsoasenseofrelief。Therisoneroflovehadrunoutofdays。Asismynature,Iwasmoreconcernedabouther。Theburdenwhichshebearsweighsheavilyonher,andIknowthat,thesamewayIknewyoureverymood。Shegentlylacedatourniquetaroundmyforelegasatearrandownhercheek。IlickedherhandinthesamewayIusedtocomfortyousomanyyearsago。Sheexertlyslidthehyodermicneedleintomyvein。AsIfeltthestingandthecoolliquidcoursingthroughmybody,Ilaydownsleeily,lookedintoherkindeyesandmurmured,“Howcouldyou”
Perhasbecausesheunderstoodmydogseak,shesaid“I’msosorry。”Shehuggedme,andhurriedlyexlaineditwasherjobtomakesureIwenttoabetterlace,whereIwouldn’tbeignoredorabusedorabandoned,orhavetofendformyself—alaceofloveandlightsoverydifferentfromthisearthlylace。
Andwithmylastbitofenergy,Itriedtoconveytoherwithathumofmytailthatmy“Howcouldyou”wasnotdirectedather。Itwasyou,MyBelovedMaster,Iwasthinkingof。Iwillthinkofyouandwaitforyouforever。Mayeveryoneinyourlifecontinuetoshowyousomuchloyalty。