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第25章 双重悲伤duble adne2（第1页）

eeworryingaboutMartha，”mymothersaidaswesatinthehositalcorridor，waitingformyfathertobeexaminedbythedoctor。“Weleftherlayingintheyardanddidn’ttellherwhereweweregoing。Ihoeshe’snotsittingsomewherecrying。”Iwiedawaytearsthatwerestreamingdownmycheeks。“ButI’mMartha。I’mrightherewithyou。”Itriedtoreassureher。“No，notyou。”mymotheranswered，“MylittleMartha。”Fearsofabandonment，astandresent，enveloedusaswetriedtoadjusttomyfather’ssuddenincaacity。Thecallhadcomethenightbefore。Myfatherhadfallenandbrokenhishi;anoerationtorelacethehijointwasscheduledforthenextmorning。Afriendwasstayingwithmymotherforthenight。“I’llcomeassoonasIcan—ontheearlymorninglane。”Iromised。Mymotherandfather，marriedforfifty-eightyears，hadneverhadaseriousemergencybefore，althoughmymotherhadbecomeincreasinglyconfusedinthelastseveralmonths。“Andisyourmotherstillalive?”shehadaskedmeonmylastvisit，withasociableinterestintheyoungwomanshehadneverseenbefore。Now，withthedailyroutinedisrutedandthenearlyconstantcomanionshiofmyfatherremoved，herdisorientationwasmoresevere。“ButI’mworriedaboutMartha。”mymothersaidagainwhenwehadreturnedhomeandsatdownforlunch。“Imgoingouttolookforher。”“ButI’mMartha。”

Itriedagain。“LittleMarthagrewuandturnedintome。”“That’sridiculous。”mymothersaid。Shetuggedoenthefrontdoor，wentouttothestreet，andstoodtensely。Lookinguanddownforthelittlegirlshewassureshehadseenjustthatmorning。Nooneinsight。Thentothebackofthehouseandthroughthebacklottotheotherstreet。“I’mgoingtoaskthoseeoleoverthereifthey’veseenher。”Mymother，becomingincreasinglyfrantic，wasreadytolungeintotrafficandcrossthebusystreet。“Let’sgohomeandcallthechurchoffice。”Ileaded。“Maybesomeonetherecanhel。”Onthewaybacktothehouse，mymothersaid，“It’snotlikeMarthatogoawaylikethatwithouttellingme。Ifonlyshehadleftanote。”Anote!Seeingawaytorelievemymother’sagitation，Iscribbledanoteassoonaswewereinthehouse，andleftitwhereitcouldbediscoveredaminutelater。“Mama，”itsaid，“IhavegonetostaywithMaryAnnforafewdays。Pleasedon’tworry。I’mokay。Martha。”“Look，”Isaid，“here’sanote。Whatdoesitsay?”Mymotherreaditaloudslowlyandimmediatelybegantocalmdown。“Thankgoodness，”shesaid。“She’sallright。She’swithMaryAnn。”Withthetensiongone，wesatdowntofinishlunchandsendaeacefulafternoonathome。Thateveninginthehosital，mymothertoldmyfatherthatMarthahadgonetostaywithMaryAnnforafewdaysbutthatshewasstillworriedabouther。

Myfathersaid，“Don’tgolookingforanotherMartha。Wealreadyhaveone，andthat’senough。”Thenextday，Martha’sabsencewasstillverymuchonmymother’smind。“Whatcanshebedoing?”shewondered。“She’snevergoneofflikethatwithoutarrangingitwithmeaheadoftime。Besides，IwanthertogotothehositaltoseeDaddy。”Iassuredmymotherthatherdaughterwouldcomehomesoon。“Besides，”Isaid，“Marthaisacleverlittlegirl。Shecantakecareofherself。”“SheneedsacleandressforchurchonSunday。”mymothersaid。“It’sonlyThursday，”Irelied，“Plentyoftime。”“Wheredidyoulearntotakeoverakitchenlikethis?”mymotheraskedasIfixeddinnerthatnight。“It’sniceofyoutocomeandstaywithme。Doyouhaveafamily?”Havingbeenaccetedasacomanion，ifnotadaughter，Isettledintoanamicableroutinewithmymother。Fridaymorningwewenttothehairdresser，thechiroractor，andthegrocerystore。IoverheardLynne，thehairdresser，saytomymother，“It’snicethatyourdaughtercouldcometostaywithyou。”“That’snotmydaughter。”mymotherconfided，“shehasthesamename，butshe’snotmydaughter。”Lynnelookedquicklyatmetoseeifshehadmisunderstoodoneofus，andIgaveheraruefulsmile。Onthewayhomemymothersaid，“Lynnethoughtyouweremydaughter。”“Youdon’tmind，doyou?”Iasked。“No。”shesaid。Itwasn’tuntilmybrothercameonSaturdaythatIwasrecognizedasartofthefamily。“Bobwilltakethisbed，andyoucansleeinyouroldroom。”mymothersaidthatnight。Itfeltgoodtobelegitimateagain。“Yousee，”myfathersaidthenextday，“Marthahasbeenhereallthetime。

Therewasnoneedtoworry。”“Buttherewasanote!”mymotherwailed。“Iwrotethenote，”Iexlained，“Iwroteittocalmyouwhenyouweresoanxious。”Andcomrehensionflickeredforamomentinmymother’sgraduallydimmingeyes。