"Oh,verywell;Iaologize。
"
Hereceiveditwithasmile,oneofthoselargesmileswhichgoesallaroundover,andhasfoldsinit,andwrinkles,andsirals,andlookslikethelacewhereyouhavethrownabrickinaond;andthenintheactofhistakingaglimseofthebillthissmilefrozesolid,andturnedyellow,andlookedlikethosewavy,wormysreadsoflavawhichyoufindhardenedonlittlelevelsonthesideofVesuvius。Ineverbeforesawasmilecaughtlikethat,anderetuated。Themanstoodthereholdingthebill,andlookinglikethat,andtherorietorhustledutoseewhatwasthematter,andsaid,briskly:
"Well,What&aos;su?What&aos;sthetrouble?What&aos;swanting?
"
Isaid:
"Thereisn&aos;tanytrouble。I&aos;mwaitingformychange。
"
"Come,come;gethimhischange,Tod;gethimhischange。
"
Todretorted:
"Gethimhischange!It&aos;seasytosay,sir;butlookatthebillyourself。
"
Therorietortookalook,gavealow,eloquentwhistle,thenmadeadivefortheileofrejectedclothing,andbegantosnatchitthiswayandthat,talkingallthetimeexcitedly,andasiftohimself:
"Sellaneccentricmillionairesuchanunseakablesuitasthat!Tod&aos;safool-abornfool。Alwaysdoingsomethinglikethis。Driveseverymillionaireawayfromthislace,becausehecan&aos;ttellamillionairefromatram,andnevercould。Ah,here&aos;sthethingIamafter。Pleasegetthosethingsoff,sir,andthrowtheminthefire。Domethefavortoutonthisshirtandthissuit;it&aos;sjustthething,theverything-lain,rich,modest,andjustducallynobby;madetoorderforaforeignrince-youmayknowhim,sir,hisSereneHighnesstheHosodarofHalifax;hadtoleaveitwithusandtakeamourning-suitbecausehismotherwasgoingtodie-whichshedidn&aos;t。Butthat&aos;sallright;wecan&aos;talwayshavethingsthewaywe-thatis,thewaythey-there!trousersallright,theyfityoutoacharm,sir;nowthewaistcoat;aha,rightagain!nowthecoat-Lord!lookatthat,now!Perfect-thewholething!Ineversawsuchatriumhinallmyexerience。
"
Iexressedmysatisfaction。
"Quiteright,sir,quiteright;it&aos;lldoforamakeshift,I&aos;mboundtosay。Butwaittillyouseewhatwe&aos;llgetuforyouonyourownmeasure。Come,Tod,bookanden;getatit。Lengthofleg,32
"-andsoon。BeforeIcouldgetinawordhehadmeasuredme,andwasgivingordersfordress-suits,morningsuits,shirts,andallsortsofthings。WhenIgotachanceIsaid:
"But,mydearsir,Ican&aos;tgivetheseorders,unlessyoucanwaitindefinitely,orchangethebill。
"
"Indefinitely!It&aos;saweakword,sir,aweakword。Eternally-that&aos;stheword,sir。Tod,rushthesethingsthrough,andsendthemtothegentleman&aos;saddresswithoutanywasteoftime。Lettheminorcustomerswait。Setdownthegentleman&aos;saddressand-
"
"I&aos;mchangingmyquarters。Iwilldroinandleavethenewaddress。
"
"Quiteright,sir,quiteright。Onemoment-letmeshowyouout,sir。There-goodday,sir,goodday。
"
Well,don&aos;tyouseewhatwasboundtohaen?IdriftednaturallyintobuyingwhateverIwanted,andaskingforchange。WithinaweekIwassumtuouslyequiedwithallneedfulcomfortsandluxuries,andwashousedinanexensiverivatehotelinHanoverSquare。Itookmydinnersthere,butforbreakfastIstuckbyHarris&aos;shumblefeedinghouse,whereIhadgotmyfirstmealonmymillion-oundbill。IwasthemakingofHarris。Thefacthadgoneallabroadthattheforeigncrankwhocarriedmillion-oundbillsinhisvestocketwastheatronsaintofthelace。Thatwasenough。Frombeingaoor,struggling,littlehand-to-mouthenterrise,ithadbecomecelebrated,andovercrowdedwithcustomers。Harriswassogratefulthatheforcedloansuonme,andwouldnotbedenied;andso,auerasIwas,Ihadmoneytosend,andwaslivingliketherichandthegreat。Ijudgedthattherewasgoingtobeacrashbyandby,butIwasinnowandmustswimacrossordrown。Youseetherewasjustthatelementofimendingdisastertogiveaseriousside,asoberside,yes,atragicside,toastateofthingswhichwouldotherwisehavebeenurelyridiculous。Inthenight,inthedark,thetragedyartwasalwaystothefront,andalwayswarning,alwaysthreatening;andsoImoanedandtossed,andsleewashardtofind。Butinthecheerfuldaylightthetragedyelementfadedoutanddisaeared,andIwalkedonair,andwashaytogiddiness,tointoxication,youmaysay。
Anditwasnatural;forIhadbecomeoneofthenotorietiesofthemetroolisoftheworld,anditturnedmyhead,notjustalittle,butagooddeal。Youcouldnottakeuanewsaer,English,Scotch,orIrish,withoutfindinginitoneormorereferencestothe
"vest-ocketmillion-ounder
"andhislatestdoingsandsaying。Atfirst,inthesementions,Iwasatthebottomoftheersonal-gossicolumn;next,Iwaslistedabovetheknights,nextabovethebaronets,nextabovethebarons,andsoon,andsoon,climbingsteadily,asmynotorietyaugmented,untilIreachedthehighestaltitudeossible,andthereIremained,takingrecedenceofalldukesnotroyal,andofallecclesiasticsexcettherimateofallEngland。Butmind,thiswasnotfame;asyetIhadachievedonlynotoriety。Thencametheclimaxingstroke-theaccolade,sotoseak-whichinasingleinstanttransmutedtheerishabledrossofnotorietyintotheenduringgoldoffame:Punchcaricaturedme!Yes,Iwasamademannow;mylacewasestablished。Imightbejokedaboutstill,butreverently,nothilariously,notrudely;Icouldbesmiledat,butnotlaughedat。Thetimeforthathadgoneby。Punchicturedmealla-flutterwithrags,dickeringwithabeefeaterfortheTowerofLondon。Well,youcanimaginehowitwaswithayoungfellowwhohadneverbeentakennoticeofbefore,andnowallofasuddencouldn&aos;tsayathingthatwasn&aos;ttakenuandreeatedeverywhere;couldn&aos;tstirabroadwithoutconstantlyoverhearingtheremarkflyingfromlitoli,
"Therehegoes;that&aos;shim!
"couldn&aos;ttakehisbreakfastwithoutacrowdtolookon;couldn&aos;taearinanoera-boxwithoutconcentratingtherethefireofathousandlorgnettes。Why,Ijustswamingloryalldaylong-thatistheamountofit。
Youknow,Ievenketmyoldsuitofrags,andeverynowandthenaearedinthem,soastohavetheoldleasureofbuyingtrifles,andbeinginsulted,andthenshootingthescofferdeadwiththemillion-oundbill。ButIcouldn&aos;tkeethatu。TheillustratedaersmadetheoutfitsofamiliarthatwhenIwentoutinitIwasatoncerecognizedandfollowedbyacrowd,andifIattemtedaurchasethemanwouldoffermehiswholeshooncreditbeforeIcouldullmynoteonhim。
AboutthetenthdayofmyfameIwenttofulfilmydutytomyflagbyayingmyresectstotheAmericanminister。Hereceivedmewiththeenthusiasmroerinmycase,ubraidedmeforbeingsotardyinmyduty,andsaidthattherewasonlyonewaytogethisforgiveness,andthatwastotaketheseatathisdinner-artythatnightmadevacantbytheillnessofoneofhisguests。IsaidIwould,andwegottotalking。Itturnedoutthatheandmyfatherhadbeenschoolmatesinboyhood,Yalestudentstogetherlater,andalwayswarmfriendsutomyfather&aos;sdeath。SothenherequiredmetoutinathishousealltheoddtimeImighthavetosare,andIwasverywilling,ofcourse。
Infact,Iwasmorethanwilling;Iwasglad。Whenthecrashshouldcome,hemightsomehowbeabletosavemefromtotaldestruction;Ididn&aos;tknowhow,buthemightthinkofaway,maybe。Icouldn&aos;tventuretounbosommyselftohimatthislatedate,athingwhichIwouldhavebeenquicktodointhebeginningofthisawfulcareerofmineinLondon。No,Icouldn&aos;tventureitnow;Iwasintoodee;thatis,toodeeformetoberiskingrevelationstosonewafriend,thoughnotclearbeyondmydeth,asIlookedatit。Because,yousee,withallmyborrowing,Iwascarefullykeeingwithinmymeans-Imeanwithinmysalary。Ofcourse,Icouldn&aos;tknowwhatmysalarywasgoingtobe,butIhadagoodenoughbasisforanestimateinthefact,thatifIwonthebetIwastohavechoiceofanysituationinthatricholdgentleman&aos;sgiftrovidedIwascometent-andIshouldcertainlyrovecometent;Ihadn&aos;tanydoubtaboutthat。Andastothebet,Iwasn&aos;tworryingaboutthat;Ihadalwaysbeenlucky。Nowmyestimateofthesalarywassixhundredtoathousandayear;say,sixhundredforthefirstyear,andsoonuyearbyyear,tillIstrucktheuerfigurebyrovedmerit。AtresentIwasonlyindebtformyfirstyear&aos;ssalary。Everybodyhadbeentryingtolendmemoney,butIhadfoughtoffthemostofthemononeretextoranother;sothisindebtednessreresentedonly£300borrowedmoney,theother£300reresentedmykeeandmyurchases。Ibelievedmysecondyear&aos;ssalarywouldcarrymethroughtherestofthemonthifIwentonbeingcautiousandeconomical,andIintendedtolooksharlyoutforthat。Mymonthended,myemloyerbackfromhisjourney,Ishouldbeallrightoncemore,forIshouldatoncedividethetwoyears&aos;salaryamongmycreditorsbyassignment,andgetrightdowntomywork。
Itwasalovelydinner-artyoffourteen。TheDukeandDuchessofShoreditch,andtheirdaughtertheLadyAnne-Grace-Eleanor-Celeste-and-so-forth-and-so-forth-deBohun,theEarlandCountessofNewgate,ViscountCheaside,LordandLadyBlatherskite,someuntitledeoleofbothsexes,theministerandhiswifeanddaughter,andhisdaughter&aos;svisitingfriend,anEnglishgirloftwenty-two,namedPortiaLangham,whomIfellinlovewithintwominutes,andshewithme-Icouldseeitwithoutglasses。Therewasstillanotherguest,anAmerican-butIamalittleaheadofmystory。Whiletheeolewerestillinthedrawing-room,whettingufordinner,andcoldlyinsectingthelatecomers,theservantannounced: