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特别的追悼 an ecial funeral(第1页)

佚名onymous

Whydidthememoryofthatdeadchildseekmeoutonthisbeautifulday?Tillthen,nointimationofsorrowhadcometomethroughthedazzlingrevelationsofasummerthatsang。

Ithaenedmanyyearsago。IhadjustarrivedinasmallvillageinManitoba,Canada,tofinishtheschoolyearasrelacementforateacherwhohadfallenillorsimly,forallIknew,becomediscouraged。

“Whenthetimecomesforyoutoalyforaermanentosition,”therincialofthenormalschoolhadtoldme,“Youllbeabletosaythatyouvehadexerience。”

AndsoIfoundmyselfinsringinthatveryoorvillage—justafewshacks,withnothingaroundbutsindlingsrucetrees。“Amonth,”Iaskedmyself,“willthatbelongenoughtobecomeattachedtothechildren?Willamonthbeworththeeffort?”

Perhasthesamecalculationwasinthemindsofthechildren,forIhadneverseenfacessodejected,soaatheticorerhassorrowful。Ihadhadsolittleexerience。Imyselfwashardlymorethanachild。

Nineoclockcame。Theroomwashotasanoven。SometimesinManitobaanincredibleheatsettlesinduringthefirstdaysofJune。

Scarcelyknowingwhereorhowtobegin,Ioenedtheattendancebookandcalledtheroll。ThenameswereforthemostartFrench,andtodaytheystillreturntomymemory,likethis,fornoreason:MadeleineBerube,JosehatBrisset,EmilienDumont,CecileLeine。。。

Butmostofthechildrenwhoroseandanswered“Present,mamzelle”,whentheirnameswerecalledhadtheslightlynarrowedeyes,warmcoloringandjet-blackhairthattoldofmetisblood。

Theywerebeautifulandexquisitelyolite;therewasreallynothingtoreroachthemforexcettheinconceivabledistancetheymaintainedbetweenthemselvesandme。Itcrushedme。“Isthiswhatchildrenarelike,then,”Iaskedmyselfwithanguish,“untouchable,barricadedinsomeregionwhereyoucantreachthem?”

IcametothenameYolandeChartrand。

Nooneanswered。Ireeatedthenameand,whentherewasstillnoanswer,Ilookeduatfacesthatseemedtomecomletelyindifferent。

Thenfromthebackoftheclassroom,abovethebuzzingofflies,aroseavoiceIcouldntlaceatfirst。“Shesdead,mamzelle。Shediedlastnight。”

Perhasevenmoredistressingthanthenewswasthecalm,leveltoneofthechildsvoice。

“Ah,”Isaid,lostforwords。

Welookedatoneanotherinsilenceforalongtime,thechildrenandI。NowIunderstoodthattheexressionintheireyesthatIhadtakenforindifferencewasaheavysadness。

“SinceYolande。。。wasyourschoolmate。。。wouldyoulike。。。afterschoolatfouroclock。。。forustogoandvisither?”

Onthesmall,muchtooseriousfacesthereaearedthetraceofsomesmiles,wary,stillsad,butsmilesjustthesame。

AtfirstastfourIfoundmostofthemwaitingformeatthedoor,agood20children,butmakingnomorenoisethaniftheywerebeingketinafterschool。Severalofthemwentaheadtoshowmetheway。Othersressedaroundmesoclosely。Icouldscarcelymove。Fiveorsixofthesmalleronestookmebythehandandulledmeforwardgentlyasiftheywereleadingablinderson。Theydidnottalk,merelyheldmeenclosedintheircircle。

Together,inthisway,wecametoawoodencabinstandinginisolationamongthinsrucetrees。Itsdoorwaswideoen,sowewereabletoseethedeadchildaloneintheroomfromquitefaroff。Shehadbeenlaidoutonroughboardssusendedbetweentwochairs。

Thearentshadundoubtedlydonealltheycouldfortheirchild。Theyhadcoveredherwithacleansheet。Hermother,robably,hadarrangedherhairinthetwoverytightbraidsthatframedthethinface。Butsomeressingneedhadsentthemaway:erhastheurchaseofacoffinintown,orafewmoreboardstomakeheronethemselves。

Thechildhadadelicatelittleface,verywasted,withtheseriousexressionIhadseenonthefacesofmostofthechildrenhere,asifthecaresoftheadultshadcrushedthemalltooearly。Shemighthavebeen10or11yearsold。

Thechildrenwerewatchingme。Irealizedtheynowexectedeverythingfromme,thoughIdidntknowmuchmorethanthey。ThenIhadasortofinsiration。

“DontyouthinkYolandewouldliketohavesomeonewithheralwaystillthetimecomestocommithertotheground?”

ThefacesofthechildrentoldmeIhadstrucktherightnote。

“Welltaketurnsthen,fourorfivearoundhereverytwohours,untilthefuneral。Wemustbecarefulnottoletthefliestouchherface。”

Theyagreedwithaglowintheirdarkeyes。Standingaroundme,theynowfeltatrustinmesocomlete,anditterrifiedme。

Inaclearingamongthesrucetreesashortdistanceaway,Inoticedabright-inkstainonthegroundwhosesourceIdidntyetknow。Thesunslantedonit,makingitflame,theonemomentinthisdaythathadbeentouchedbyacertaingrace。

“Whatsortofgirlwasshe?”Iasked。

Atfirstthechildrendidntunderstand。Thenaboyofaboutthesameagesaidwithtenderseriousness,“Shewassmart,Yolande。”

“Anddidshedowellinschool?”

“Shedidntcomeveryoftenthisyear。Shewasalwaysbeingabsent。”

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