佚名onymous
Whydidthememoryofthatdeadchildseekmeoutonthisbeautifulday?Tillthen,nointimationofsorrowhadcometomethroughthedazzlingrevelationsofasummerthatsang。
Ithaenedmanyyearsago。IhadjustarrivedinasmallvillageinManitoba,Canada,tofinishtheschoolyearasrelacementforateacherwhohadfallenillorsimly,forallIknew,becomediscouraged。
“Whenthetimecomesforyoutoalyforaermanentosition,”therincialofthenormalschoolhadtoldme,“Youllbeabletosaythatyouvehadexerience。”
AndsoIfoundmyselfinsringinthatveryoorvillage—justafewshacks,withnothingaroundbutsindlingsrucetrees。“Amonth,”Iaskedmyself,“willthatbelongenoughtobecomeattachedtothechildren?Willamonthbeworththeeffort?”
Perhasthesamecalculationwasinthemindsofthechildren,forIhadneverseenfacessodejected,soaatheticorerhassorrowful。Ihadhadsolittleexerience。Imyselfwashardlymorethanachild。
Nineoclockcame。Theroomwashotasanoven。SometimesinManitobaanincredibleheatsettlesinduringthefirstdaysofJune。
Scarcelyknowingwhereorhowtobegin,Ioenedtheattendancebookandcalledtheroll。ThenameswereforthemostartFrench,andtodaytheystillreturntomymemory,likethis,fornoreason:MadeleineBerube,JosehatBrisset,EmilienDumont,CecileLeine。。。
Butmostofthechildrenwhoroseandanswered“Present,mamzelle”,whentheirnameswerecalledhadtheslightlynarrowedeyes,warmcoloringandjet-blackhairthattoldofmetisblood。
Theywerebeautifulandexquisitelyolite;therewasreallynothingtoreroachthemforexcettheinconceivabledistancetheymaintainedbetweenthemselvesandme。Itcrushedme。“Isthiswhatchildrenarelike,then,”Iaskedmyselfwithanguish,“untouchable,barricadedinsomeregionwhereyoucantreachthem?”
IcametothenameYolandeChartrand。
Nooneanswered。Ireeatedthenameand,whentherewasstillnoanswer,Ilookeduatfacesthatseemedtomecomletelyindifferent。
Thenfromthebackoftheclassroom,abovethebuzzingofflies,aroseavoiceIcouldntlaceatfirst。“Shesdead,mamzelle。Shediedlastnight。”
Perhasevenmoredistressingthanthenewswasthecalm,leveltoneofthechildsvoice。
“Ah,”Isaid,lostforwords。
Welookedatoneanotherinsilenceforalongtime,thechildrenandI。NowIunderstoodthattheexressionintheireyesthatIhadtakenforindifferencewasaheavysadness。
“SinceYolande。。。wasyourschoolmate。。。wouldyoulike。。。afterschoolatfouroclock。。。forustogoandvisither?”
Onthesmall,muchtooseriousfacesthereaearedthetraceofsomesmiles,wary,stillsad,butsmilesjustthesame。
AtfirstastfourIfoundmostofthemwaitingformeatthedoor,agood20children,butmakingnomorenoisethaniftheywerebeingketinafterschool。Severalofthemwentaheadtoshowmetheway。Othersressedaroundmesoclosely。Icouldscarcelymove。Fiveorsixofthesmalleronestookmebythehandandulledmeforwardgentlyasiftheywereleadingablinderson。Theydidnottalk,merelyheldmeenclosedintheircircle。
Together,inthisway,wecametoawoodencabinstandinginisolationamongthinsrucetrees。Itsdoorwaswideoen,sowewereabletoseethedeadchildaloneintheroomfromquitefaroff。Shehadbeenlaidoutonroughboardssusendedbetweentwochairs。
Thearentshadundoubtedlydonealltheycouldfortheirchild。Theyhadcoveredherwithacleansheet。Hermother,robably,hadarrangedherhairinthetwoverytightbraidsthatframedthethinface。Butsomeressingneedhadsentthemaway:erhastheurchaseofacoffinintown,orafewmoreboardstomakeheronethemselves。
Thechildhadadelicatelittleface,verywasted,withtheseriousexressionIhadseenonthefacesofmostofthechildrenhere,asifthecaresoftheadultshadcrushedthemalltooearly。Shemighthavebeen10or11yearsold。
Thechildrenwerewatchingme。Irealizedtheynowexectedeverythingfromme,thoughIdidntknowmuchmorethanthey。ThenIhadasortofinsiration。
“DontyouthinkYolandewouldliketohavesomeonewithheralwaystillthetimecomestocommithertotheground?”
ThefacesofthechildrentoldmeIhadstrucktherightnote。
“Welltaketurnsthen,fourorfivearoundhereverytwohours,untilthefuneral。Wemustbecarefulnottoletthefliestouchherface。”
Theyagreedwithaglowintheirdarkeyes。Standingaroundme,theynowfeltatrustinmesocomlete,anditterrifiedme。
Inaclearingamongthesrucetreesashortdistanceaway,Inoticedabright-inkstainonthegroundwhosesourceIdidntyetknow。Thesunslantedonit,makingitflame,theonemomentinthisdaythathadbeentouchedbyacertaingrace。
“Whatsortofgirlwasshe?”Iasked。
Atfirstthechildrendidntunderstand。Thenaboyofaboutthesameagesaidwithtenderseriousness,“Shewassmart,Yolande。”
“Anddidshedowellinschool?”
“Shedidntcomeveryoftenthisyear。Shewasalwaysbeingabsent。”