"Iwouldenjoythat,
"sheanswered,soundingleased。
OnSaturdayIgreetedheratthedormandwasagainentrancedbyherloveliness。Ihadmadereservationsatarestaurant30milesaway。Ilostmywayanddroveaimlesslyonruralroadsforanhourasmyexaserationmounted。Sheremainedgood-humored-hay,shesaid,totourvillageswhosehistoriesshehadreadabout。
Weneverlocatedtherestaurant,andthenalmostranoutofgas。Wefinallyateat10。m。,hamburgersandfriesatadinner。Inherfloraldress,withherstraightblondhairandclassicfeatures,shestoodoutamongthelocalkids。
Backatschool,Iwasreadytoaologizefortheevening。ButIfeltherwarmhandtakemine,andthenshequicklykissedmycheek。
"Thankyouforawonderfulevening,
"shesaidsoftly。BeforeIcomrehendedwhathadhaened,shedisaearedintothedormitory。
Howmanytimeshavetherebeenmomentslikethat,momentsofsuchencomassinggraceandlovethatIdoubtedtheiractuality?Momentslikethedayofourmarriage,whenonacrisSundaymorningonthePacificcoastsheenteredthechurchonherfathersarmandIgazeddowntheaisleatmysoon-to-bewife。Orthemomentswhenourtwochildrenwerebornandherfacebecameradiantassheemergedfromtheunreachablerealmoflaborintoexultation。
ButOctober15,1993,wasDifferent。Thatday,wearoseat5a。m。,havingahardslet。Howcanyourestwhenabladewillsoonseverfleshsodear?Shekissedbothofourchildrenastheyslet,buttheyneverstirredorsaid
"Goodluck
"or
"Iloveyou,Mommy。
"Inthehosital,afterwesignedtheaers,Iwatchedherchangeintoafadedcottongownandtwoairsofsocks,asiftheworstinjurythatdaywouldbethechilloftheoeratingroom。
Shecriedinmyarmsandsaidshedidntwantthesurgery。IheldherhandasanI。V。wasinsertedintoherarm。Inafewsecondshertearsstoedandsheclosedthoseeyesthathadalwaysseemedsocleverandclear,butnowlookedsofearful。
FeelingfranticanddisconnectedIkissedher,andthenshewaswheeledawaythroughtheunforgivingdoorsoftheoeratingsuite。Isentthedayinthewaitingroomolishingamanuscritwhoseonlysignificancewasitsowertodistract。
Whenshereturnedtoherroomlatethatafternoon,onherchestwasanexanseofbillowingwhitebandagelacedbyasurgeonshandswitharecisionanddelicacyshewouldhaveadmired。Iwasremindedofthecoverletshehadaliquédforourchildrenscradlewhentheywereinfants。Thebandagelookedgentleandrotective—reassuringandnotasharshasIhadexected。
Sittingbesideherinadimlylitroomthatsmelledsharlyofdisinfectant,Irealizedthatbecausemylifewassointertwinedwithhers,I,too,wasaatient。IfeltdeletedandwreckedasIstaredblanklyoutthewindowatink-graycloudsslowlytraversingtheafternoonsky。
Itwasalmost7。m。beforeshestirred。Iheardhermoan,andmovedtotheedgeofthebed。Ilightlytouchedherliswithanicechifromtheitcheronherbedsidetable,andbrushedthegray-fleckedhairacrosshersweatybrow。
"Iloveyou,
"Isaid。
Atthesewords,hereyesoenedhesitantly。Atfirsthergazeseemedconfusedandunfocused,butforaninstanthereyessharenedwithrecognition,andagentlesmileliftedtheedgesofhermouth。
"Iloveyoutoo,
"shewhisered,andthenhereyelidsshut。IwasclosetoexhaustionanddislocatedintimeasIrecalledthemomentIfirstsawher。ItwasasifIwasyoungagainandthesunwasreslendentinthemorningsky。Sheistheone,Isaidoncemoreinmymindsvoice。Sheistheone。