his friends; receiving their regard gratefully; glad of their
attention。 His heart was tormented within him; he did not try to
smile。 The time of his trial and his admittance; his Gethsemane
and his Triumphal Entry in one; had e now。
Behind her; there was so much unknown to him。 When he
approached her; he came to such a terrible painful unknown。 How
could he embrace it and fathom it? How could he close his arms
round all this darkness and hold it to his breast and give
himself to it? What might not happen to him? If he stretched and
strained for ever he would never be able to grasp it all; and to
yield himself naked out of his own hands into the unknown power!
How could a man be strong enough to take her; put his arms round
her and have her; and be sure he could conquer this awful
unknown next his heart? What was it then that she was; to which
he must also deliver himself up; and which at the same time he
must embrace; contain?
He was to be her husband。 It was established so。 And he
wanted it more than he wanted life; or anything。 She stood
beside him in her silk dress; looking at him strangely; so that
a certain terror; horror took possession of him; because she was
strange and impending and he had no choice。 He could not bear to
meet her look from under her strange; thick brows。
〃Is it late?〃 she said。
He looked at his watch。
〃No……half…past eleven;〃 he said。 And he made an excuse
to go into the kitchen; leaving her standing in the room among
the disorder and the drinking…glasses。
Tilly was seated beside the fire in the kitchen; her head in
her hands。 She started up when he entered。
〃Why havent you gone to bed?〃 he said。
〃I thought Id better stop an lock up an do;〃 she said。 Her
agitation quietened him。 He gave her some little order; then
returned; steadied now; almost ashamed; to his wife。 She stood a
moment watching him; as he moved with averted face。 Then she
said:
〃You will be good to me; wont you?〃
She was small and girlish and terrible; with a queer; wide
look in her eyes。 His heart leaped in him; in anguish of love
and desire; he went blindly to her and took her in his arms。