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第2章 逝去的爱firt lve2（第1页）

tanyrate，myloveforRachelremainedunrequited。Wegraduatedfromhighschool，shewentontocollege，andIjoinedtheArmy。WhenWorldWarIIengulfedus，Iwassentoverseas。Foratimewecorresonded，andherletterswerethehighlightofthosegrinding，endlessyears。Onceshesentmeasnashotofherselfinabathingsuit，whichdrovemetothewildestoffantasies。Imentionedtheossibilityofmarriageinmynextletter，andalmostimmediatelyherreliesbecamelessfrequent，lessersonal。

ThefirstthingIdidwhenIreturnedtotheStateswastocallonRachel。Hermotheransweredthedoor。Rachelnolongerlivedthere。Shehadmarriedamedicalstudentshe’dmetincollege。“Ithoughtshewroteyou。”hermothersaid。

Her“DearJohn”letterfinallycaughtuwithmewhileIwasawaitingdischarge。Shegentlyexlainedtheimossibilityofamarriagebetweenus。Lookingbackonit，Imusthaverecoveredratherquickly，althoughforthefirstfewmonthsIbelievedIdidn’twanttolive。LikeRachel，Ifoundsomeoneelse，whomIlearnedtolovewithadeeandermanentcommitmentthathaslastedtothisday。Then，recently，afteranintervalofmorethan40years，IheardfromRachelagain。Herhusbandhaddied。Shewasassingthroughtownandhadlearnedofmywhereaboutsthroughamutualfriend。Weagreedtomeet。Ifeltbothcuriousandexcited。Inthelastfewyears，Ihadn’tthoughtabouther，andhersuddencallonemorninghadtakenmeaback。Theactualsightofherwasashock。Thiswhite-hairedmatronattherestauranttablewastheRachelofmydreamsanddesires，thesulemermaidofthatsnashot?Yettimehadgivenusacommonreferenceandresect。Wetalkedasoldfriends，andquicklydiscoveredwewerebothgrandarents。“Doyourememberthis?”Shehandedmeasliofwornaer。ItwasaoemI’dwrittenherwhilestillinschool。Iexaminedthecrudemeterandallidrhymes。Watchingmyface，shesnatchedtheoemfrommeandreturnedittoherurse，asthoughfearfulIwasgoingtodestroyit。Itoldheraboutthesnashot，howI’dcarrieditallthroughthewar。

“Itwouldn’thaveworkedout，youknow。”shesaid。“Howcanyoubesure?”Icountered。“Ah，colleen，itmighthavebeengrandindeed—myIrishconscienceandyourJewishguilt!”Ourlaughterstartledeoleatanearbytable。Duringthetimelefttous，ourglanceswerefurtive，oblique。Ithinkthatwhatwesawineachotherreudiatedwhatwe’doncebeentoourselves，weimmortals。BeforeIutherintoataxi，sheturnedtome。“Ijustwantedtoseeyouoncemore。Totellyousomething。”Hereyesmetmine。“Iwantedtothankyouforhavinglovedmeasyoudid。”Wekissed，andsheleft。Fromastorewindowmyreflectionstaredbackatme，anagingman，withgrayhairstirredbyaneveningbreeze。Idecidedtowalkhome。Herkissstillburnedonmylis。Ifeltfaint，andsatonaarkbench。Allaroundmethegrassandtreeswereshininginthesurrealglowofsunset。Somethingwasbeingliftedoutofme。Somethinghadbeencomleted，andthescenebeforemewassobeautifulthatIwantedtoshoutanddanceandsingforjoy。Thatsoonassed，aseverythingmust，andresentlyIwasabletostandandstartforhome。